I’m Tired

I just sat down on the couch for 5 and I feel tired. I don’t want to get back up.

My eyes feel tired from the short cry I had out of frustration right after dinner.

My body feels tired because it’s the end of a long busy day and I didn’t eat well after 3 pm. I had a bowl of cereal after work and corner store pizza and a glass of wine for dinner. Blech.

Even though my hubby is helping me try and figure out my technology issues right now (I have ISSUES) (hence the crying) the technology doesn’t want to work, and I don’t want to sit around waiting for all the things to try and update themselves into working, and yet here I sit. Technology costs a lot of money I’d rather spend on other things. Why doesn’t it just WORK darnit?

I’m tired of dishes and laundry and dishes and laundry and dishes and laundry and dishes and laundry and dishes and laundry and dishes and laundry. And cooking.

I’m tired of fricking facebook.

I’m tired of feeling guilty about all the things I do and don’t do and that probably don’t matter anyway but that for some reason I feel I should do differently.

I’m tired of being the fat one, the unintelligent one, the short one, the weak one, the least savvy one, the lesser paid one, the  antisocial one, the unreasonable one, the emotional one,  … I’m tired of feeling inferior in every way.

I’m tired of making do with what I’ve got and not going after what I want.

I’m tired of not knowing what I want.

I’m tired of battling the same demons over and over. I thought I won these battles already. Why am I still fighting?

I’m tired of life’s various treadmills.

I’m tired of getting older and I’ve barely started!

I’m tired of trying to impress, of keeping my walls up, of guarding, of hiding.

I’m tired of buy and sell.

I’m tired.

Tired.

I’m tired of my own yakketty yak.

I want to read and go to bed. But instead, I’m going to wrap up this post, close the laptop and go try and figure out the technology.

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4 thoughts on “I’m Tired

  1. Hugs momma. You are amazing 🙂 I read every line and thought “sounds about right” to how I’ve been feeling. Hope the technology smartened up and you have a wonderful sleep and awake to feeling rejuvenated!

  2. Big hugs … I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It sucks when technology doesn’t do what you want it to! But I hope you feel better – and less tired – soon, even if your technology issues remain. Love you!

  3. Aw, D. Big hugs and love. I’ve been feeling the same some days, so I hear you. And if technology doesn’t work, I turn into a rage monster. It’s not pretty.

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