Limbo

Everyday I wake up with a different brain.

I recently finished my last semester of university and I have a job (90% sure) starting up the first of July. In the meantime I’m keeping busy. I’m taking that one final Astronomy course I need on Tuesday and Thursday nights (outer space, cool!) And on Wednesday nights I’m still doing scuba lessons with my dear friend (inner space, the final frontier!) and I’m keeping busy shuttling my happy kids from place to place and hanging out with people and popping in to my part time job when it needs to be done, and I do a little housework and yardwork and I take an hour here and there to sit down with a book and then there’s the C25K.

So I’ve got a good balance of keeping busy and taking some time to relax and enjoy life.

But I’ve also had some days where I wake up feeling overwhelmed with inertia. I am well aware that a large chunk of the things on my to-do list are simply busy work (organize the garage!) and I’m kind of buzzing around without direction or purpose.

Some days I’m a happy little bee, flitting around the flower garden of life. Other days, I feel absolutely lost and adrift.

And then there’s “the plan.” What now? Well, the job I mentioned is pretty much in the bag, and I am honestly so excited about it. It is my heart through and through. But it will also be somewhat easy and laid back. Will I settle in with peace into this change of pace or will I be bored and under-challenged six months down the road? It will be flexible enough that I will still be able to be here for my kids everyday (after school – we still have to figure out what to do for the summer months) which is exactly what I want at this time in their lives. They are asking so many questions and having so many new experiences. I want to be available to them at all times. Now is not the time for me to get distracted with a demanding career.

Last fall I was looking at a Masters of Library and Information Sciences program. That is still hovering around in my consciousness. I did very well in school, better than I was expecting, and my professors are nudging me in the direction of continuing my eduction in Philosophy, which was my major. I would LOVE that. And my husband has been part of the conversation and seems to be nudging me in that direction too. And he just landed a new job which would make it possible for me to plunge into that full time and not have to work. A dream opportunity!

One day I dream about the nice, “normal” job. The next day I spend a few hours writing and feel like committing to the path of authorship. The day after that I’m like, yes. I’m going do my masters and my PhD and become a Philosophy professor.

And there are other options too. The problem is not that I don’t know what I want. The problem is that I want them all. I have to choose. And I change my mind every day.

But assuming I get this job I’m hoping for, I want to be there for a minimum of one year before I even think about anything else. I’m tired, and I’m happy and I want to settle down and take a breather. Really, I could see myself in that role for a very long time. Who knows what time will bring. Who knows what God will do, say, and show me in the next year.

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4 thoughts on “Limbo

  1. Well, I’m just looking forward to seeing where the road of life takes you! Hope you the get the job you’re hoping for and that it will be perfect for now – exciting and challenging, and flexible!

  2. Ooh…I can’t wait to hear more about this new job you’re hoping for. Sounds like it would be perfect for you.

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